Learning Acceptance in Therapy: A Path to Emotional Resiliency

Any client that has been working with me long enough knows how easy it is for me to hop on my soapbox and preach about acceptance. I find it’s one of those topics that brings very little relief when discussed, but when put into practice, it can be life changing. What can make acceptance challenging for people is it requires remaining balanced, patient, and understanding in the face of life’s challenges. This quality, maybe more than anything else, can help people avoid getting swept up in intense emotions or reactions. In therapy, we often talk about finding ways to be present with our feelings rather than trying to suppress or ignore them. So, how does this tie into acceptance?

Understanding Acceptance

Many people misunderstand acceptance. It’s not about passivity, resignation, or an unwillingness to create change. Acceptance doesn’t mean you stop caring or stop striving for improvement. It also isn’t about feeling grateful for every situation or circumstance. Instead, acceptance is about acknowledging and understanding the present moment exactly as it is, without distortion or denial.

Acceptance is most commonly confused for apathy. The way I like to explain this is by noting the  differences between the phrases “it is what it is” and “right now, it’s like this”. “It is what it is” is often used with a tone of sarcasm or passive aggression as a means of sweeping something under the rug or minimizing our experience, while “right now, it’s like this” invites a sense of openness and clarity. Apathy involves disengaging from reality and giving up on any possibility of change, while true acceptance opens us up to the potential for transformation, even in the most difficult situations.

Acceptance and the Middle Path

What does it mean to stand in the middle of our experiences? What experiences? To understand this, we need to look at the broader context of acceptance. It’s about standing between two opposing forces: the reality of the present moment and our desire for change. We often fall into the trap of wanting things to be different than they are, or resisting what’s happening. When we can stand in the middle of these forces without being overwhelmed by them, we begin to cultivate acceptance. This practice allows us to approach life with balance so we can stop clinging to rigid beliefs and judgments, and instead allow ourselves to respond to the present moment with greater clarity and wisdom. This doesn’t mean we’re passive; it means we can respond with intention and purpose, helping to reduce stress and anxiety, making it easier to navigate difficult moments.

From Acceptance to Action

I frequently hear people falsely believe that “once I can accept this, then I can move on”. Acceptance is not the final step in any difficult process, but rather, it’s one of the first steps. In both the mindfulness skill of RAIN and in any Twelve Step program, acceptance is foundational. It’s the second step of RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture) and the first step (admitting powerlessness) in many people's recovery programs. Acceptance creates the space for the clarity needed to make choices that are aligned with our deepest values.

For example, imagine you’re experiencing intense feelings of anxiety. At first, you may want to push these uncomfortable feelings away. You might try using techniques like deep breathing or self-compassion exercises to make the anxiety go away. However, what may actually be needed is the practice of acceptance: recognizing the anxiety without trying to change it. Once you accept the anxiety as part of the current moment, you can stop fighting that reality is how it is and respond more effectively.

Acceptance, then, becomes a catalyst for wise action. It’s only by fully accepting the present moment that we can take meaningful steps toward change that are grounded in clarity, not driven by avoidance or resistance.

The Subtle Shift: From Avoidance to Kindness

Acceptance doesn’t mean we can’t take positive actions to address our discomfort. In moments like I described above, self-compassion can still be a helpful tool. The difference lies in the intention. If you’re practicing self- compassion to escape the discomfort, the intention is to avoid or suppress. But if you’re practicing compassion from a place of acceptance, the intention shifts to holding yourself with love and kindness in the face of discomfort.

This subtle shift can make all the difference. It’s about embracing ourselves as we are, without trying to change or deny what’s happening. Only then can we move forward with a sense of compassion and wisdom.

Embracing Acceptance: A Path to Harmony, Wisdom, and Purpose

Acceptance is the foundation for a life of wise action, balance, and peace. By cultivating the ability to stand in the middle, to accept what is, and to engage with the world through compassion and clarity, we can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease. We can embrace the uncertainty of life, bear witness to what arises, and take action that is rooted in wisdom and compassion. In doing so, we create a life of harmony and engagement, where we are not swept away by the forces around us, but instead stand with clarity, presence, and love.